Thoughts and Dreams

Again, it was eight in the morning when i sat in my office. facing mega buildings in front of me. the view is just plain boring. below me, streets are over-crowded by yellow cars. people call those things ‘taxi’, i call it ‘annoyances’.

it is a nice office indeed. big square see-through office. i like big square see-through office. i can see almost the whole city from up here. the room itself is painted sky blue with minimalist design. at my left side the wall was replaced by thick glass. i personally request it. i like when the sun shine on me all the day.

i was looking down at the street when the phone rang.

i pick it up and speak, “hello?”

“hi, am i in the middle of something? cause if it is i just can call you later.”, says the soft voice on the other end of the phone.

“no it’s okay. how are you? how’s the flight?”

“i’m fine. i got here safely. still at the office?”

“of course, it’s eight in the morning. where else you expect me to be?”

“ooh yeah,” the she had this little laugh, “i thought it’s 5 pm there, a bit miscalculation.”

i sometimes laugh at her. she always had this “miscalculation”. I’ve known her for six years, and she didn’t change a bit although she looks prettier now.

“so, what time is there?”

“hmm, it’s about 3 pm. by the way, do you happen to know the Franz-es?”

i always like to talk to her. i don’t know why, but i just feel comfortable with her. she also likes to talk things to me. she shares stories of her life, how much she like the sky, her dream becoming a flight attendant, how she get there, her trips across the world while she’s up in the air, she even talked about the day she was accepted as flight attendant all week long in December three years ago. i still remember that.

we talked in the telephone almost two hours long that morning. i don’t even know what she’s saying, i just say ‘yes’, ‘serious?’, ‘and?’ everytime she had pause. and the talking keeps going. actually i don’t really care about the things she said, i just want to hear her voice. that angelic voice.

“hello? you still there?”, she said.

“yes, of course. i was just signing this paper that’s all. where were we?”

and we continue to talk. again, i’m beginning to sink in that angelic voice.

It was eight in the morning when i got up that Tuesday. A dog, barking in distance wake me from my dream. An odd dream i suppose, because i can’t remember a thing and my head hurts so bad. Seconds later i noticed i was sitting in a bench inside a park near my flat. It was a cold morning, especially for a man sitting outside with only a t-shirt and shorts. But something is missing, i look around, paying attention to the surroundings, and there i found my slipper. By the bushes behind me. I wonder how it got there, but i can’t think straight, thanks to the mind-blowing-bone-crushing-chilling-sensation this morning give.

“Jeez, it’s fucking cooollld.” i said while trembling and rubbing my hands to each other.

I took my slippers and wear them, and got up from my bench. When i got up, something fell from my left pocket. A piece of paper with some red dot on it, like a red wine mark one might say. I opened it and read it.

GET UP, GO HOME AND PACK!

Well, now it seems a bit odder. I know it was my hand writing, but why would i wrote it, whom i intended it. Again, questions are emerging inside my head but quickly went pass along the bone-crushing breeze to my face. I continued strolling the park heading for exit.

It was a beautiful morning, the sun shine with it’s golden array. Went through naked branches of willow tree that surrounds the park. Brown fallen leaves fill the path and accompanying me as i stroll through the trees. It was another joyful morning in the Tuesday when suddenly i look at my watch and it shows nine o’clock.

“Shit!”

I remember this day, i remember this hour, i got plans, and i’m meeting someone today this morning. I ran along the park, found the exit, and ran for another meters to my flat. Took a shower, change clothes, grab some breakfast, and not forgetting my coat. I run through the front door only to find that i left my cellphone in the bedroom.

I went back to my bedroom wanting to take my cellphone, instead i found something terrible. There was………….




-continued-

According to Oxford Pocket Dictionary, Dilemma means a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made. For some, it may not just another “difficult” choice, it may be  life-threatening-difficult-choices. For me, it’s just another way around.

Dilemma is not a problem for me cause i often make or happen to have difficult choices. I keep things simple. Whether you need it or not, want it or not, have any interest in it or not, capable to do it or not, even able to pay for it or not. As i broke my choices in two, i make my world a lot more simpler. It all come down as a yes/no questions. Simple, effective, and sometimes efficient.

Later this day, this hard-to-make-choices finally make its way to me. Suddenly my-so-simple-world is not that simple anymore. My judgement is clouded, i cant think right, i cant choose right. Im on my knees in front of my choices. I have dilemma.

Those shoes are so eye-catching. They are so masculine yet so feminine. They are unbelivable expensive too per se. I found it hard to choose between them. The sexy mysterious black-red running shoes or the elegant yet down to earth khaki-red running shoes. For me, it’s a hard choice. Because you cant just take away any running shoes. First you had to know the technology alongside the shoes, second you had to know its purpose (is it for normal running, all terrain, track, or just walking), third you had to notice the insignia (not just the brand, but also what makes the shoes even eye-catchier), fourth you had to feel them (make sure you know them inside out, every curve, every bent), fifth, if you feel comfy enough and have adequate amount of money to purchase them, then you ought to buy them.

Simple isn’t it? Just five simple step to know what running shoes fits you best. I follow those step one by one and yet i cant choose right. Both of them have the same technology, both of them are for all terrain running, both of them are from the same manufacturer and they both have their own insignia, both of them feel great and comfy, and i have more than enough to but one of them. They’re just in my range of finances. So, you know that i really had a hard time just to choose a shoes. But, finally i chose one. The khaki-red running shoes. Why? because the black-red one didn’t have my size. Besides you know i cant stand shopping for more than 1 hour. And i already spent an hour just to make judgement of what shoes i should bring back home.

Back home, after a bit of test-run. The shoes feel great. I feel comfortable in it. But something bothering me. The sole, is a bit strange. As if my feet was in an oblique. My fear is that these are made for overpronator runner (do your research!), while i myself is a neutralpronator runner. Now i feel disappointed for sure. My mind was filled with “YOU MADE A BAD CHOICE!” thingy. I actually thought that the black-red one is for neutralpronator and this one that i bought is for overpronator. Fuck! I just made a bad choice and now im completely consumed by it.Fuck!

Sore throat, deaf ear, full tank, and a glass of wine.

Ini Budi. Budi membunuh teroris.